He’s not heavy, he’s my brother

A message smuggled into Westville prison late last night,

Schabir,

We’ve done it! Hang in there brother… it won’t be long now.

Mo

Vavi To Lead The ANC Women’s League

Today, at a hastily convened press conference, the President of the ANC Women’s League announced that the “historic custodian of women’s struggles in South Africa” intends on approaching Zwelinzima Vavi to lead the League as the structure’s first-ever male President. Although the President of the Women’s League would ordinarily be elected at the structure’s national congress, Nosiviwe Mapisa-Nqakula told journalists that “the present crisis in the Women’s League necessitates that I step down as President, and a new leader be elected at Polokwane.”

When asked if the crisis she was referring to emanated from the storm surrounding the League’s support for Jacob Zuma – a polygamist whose statements during his recent rape trial enraged gender activists – Nosiviwe Mapisa-Nqakula replied, “Not at all, the league believes that our support for Msholozi is one of the few good things we’ve done”. The crisis, she went on to explain, runs far deeper; “The league believes that we cannot have a situation in which we are fighting for gender equality while there are some comrades who are asking for women to replace men in government and the party simply because these comrades happen to be men and we, we happen to be women.” She went on to say, “It cannot go on like this much longer, now only a man can clean up the mess we have made of things. The NEC has met and it has decided. Comrade Vavi is that man”.

When asked for comment, Tokyo Sexwale told ‘The Benefit’, that he obviously welcomed the Women’s League’s ‘bold’ decision, saying that this was “an important moment in the struggle for gender equality and the broader transformation of our society.” He added that this would now “send a signal to everyone that men are just as good at representing women’s issues as women are, if not better”. Although Zwelinzima Vavi was unavailable for comment, COSATU spokesperson, Patrick Craven, told ‘The Benefit’ that in spite of turning down an NEC nomination, “the issue of women is so close to Comrade Vavi’s heart that he is likely to give this some serious thought.”

Mo Shaik and Trevor Manuel Get a Room

Cape Town – The staff of an exclusive an Cape Town Hotel were treated to the rare appearance of two of South Africa’s most celebrated politicians when Mo Shaik and Trevor Manuel checked into the honeymoon sweet of the Mount Nelson late last night. “I could hardly believe my eyes”, said Casual Umsebenzi, who was on duty at the reception when the pair checked in. She confessed that, like everyone else, she was following the spat between Shaik and Manuel in the newspapers and was “so surprised to see the two man merrily chatting as they came through the doors”. Booking in under the name ‘Smith’, Shaik is said to have paid for the room in cash while the other man waited sheepishly by his side.

A room service waiter told ‘The Benefit’ that he delivered strawberries and cream to the sweet a little after midnight. Although preferring to remain anonymous, the waiter speculated that that the “lovebirds” must have been sharing a bath since Manuel came to the door wrapped in a towel and covered in bubbles. He also claimed to be “almost certain” that and Issac Hayse song was playing in the sweet.

Although Manuel’s office refused to comment, Shaik, on being asked about his late night rendezvous, simply replied, “what can I say? I love Trevor Manual very much.” It not clear if these developments will have any effect on the succession race and the ongoing talks between the Mbeki and Zuma camps.